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Published on: Sunday 9th March 1997 By: Martin Webb

cookie.htm source code

<html lang="en">

<body topmargin="0">

<script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"><!--
function fortune_cookie () {
  var fortune = new Array(59);

  fortune[0] = "The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we've finished building it.";
  fortune[1] = "The first deadly sin is to code before you think.";
  fortune[2] = "The second deadly sin is to assume the user has all the knowledge the software writer has.";
  fortune[3] = "The third deadly sin is not to write proper documentation.";
  fortune[4] = "The fourth deadly sin is to ignore language standards.";
  fortune[5] = "The fifth deadly sin is to treat error diagnosis as an afterthought.";
  fortune[6] = "The sixth deadly sin is to equate the unlikely with the impossible.";
  fortune[7] = "The seventh deadly sin is to make the encoding of the software dependent on its data formats.";
  fortune[8] = "The eighth deadly sin is to use numbers for objects that are not numbers.";
  fortune[9] = "The ninth deadly sin is to pretend you are catering for everyone at the same time.";
  fortune[10] = "The tenth deadly sin is to have no strategy for processing break-ins.";
  fortune[11] = "The eleventh deadly sin is to rate the beauty of mathematics above the usability of your software.";
  fortune[12] = "The twelfth deadly sin is to let any error go undetected.";
  fortune[13] = "The thirteenth deadly sin is to leave users to find the errors in your software.";
  fortune[14] = "Brook's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later";
  fortune[15] = "Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.";
  fortune[16] = "Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.";
  fortune[17] = "Watson's Law: The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.";
  fortune[18] = "Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.";
  fortune[19] = "Parkinson's Fourth Law: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.";
  fortune[20] = "Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.";
  fortune[21] = "Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right.  If everything did, you'd be out of a job.";
  fortune[22] = "Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.";
  fortune[23] = "A Law of Computer Programming: Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.";
  fortune[24] = "Turnaucka's Law: The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.";
  fortune[25] = "One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.";
  fortune[26] = "Bradley's Bromide: If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.";
  fortune[27] = "At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.";
  fortune[28] = "If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage.  But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.";
  fortune[29] = "USER n.: A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.";
  fortune[30] = "This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88";
  fortune[31] = "43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped";
  fortune[32] = "How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, we'll fix it in software.";
  fortune[33] = "How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, we'll document it in the manual.";
  fortune[34] = "How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the user can work it out.";
  fortune[35] = "Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers: If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses.  When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.";
  fortune[36] = "Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.";
  fortune[37] = "It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.";
  fortune[38] = "If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.";
  fortune[39] = "Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.";
  fortune[40] = "Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.";
  fortune[41] = "A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing.";
  fortune[42] = "Everyone can be taught to sculpt:  Michelangelo would have had to be taught how not to.  So it is with the great programmers.";
  fortune[43] = "There are two ways to write error-free programs.  Only the third one works.";

  var now=new Date();

  return fortune[now.getSeconds()%43];

document.write('<font size=-1><em>'+fortune_cookie()+'</em></font>');


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